Dealing with Difficult People at Work

Dealing with difficult coworkers

Dealing with difficult people isn’t always easy, but it’s important to remember that they are people who deserve your kindness and compassion.

Hi, team! It’s your friend, Mary, with the “I” in Team series where you can find, be, and build your positive influence. From time to time, we all have to deal with difficult people at work (and in all areas of life). It’s just something we have to get used to. However, we don’t have to let toxic, negative, or unaware people get us down. While it may be tempting to reflect their negativity back to them, this never helps. In fact, toxic or difficult people can plummet morale and affect cultural wellbeing. By joining in, you add to the negativity and leave the instigator feeling like a victim (as people who are unaware or unwilling to confront their toxic behavior often see themselves as victims). It might sound bleak, but trust me, this is a great opportunity for you to grow! Here are some tips for dealing with difficult people at work.

Understand the Types

First, it’s important to understand that there will be difficult people who go into one of two primary categories: Those who are aware of their behavior and do it on purpose, and those who are unaware. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to tell if someone is being manipulative or ignorant because those behaviors can often come across in similar ways at times. When confronted with their behavior or ignored, toxic people respond with anger, denial, or even retaliation. But this doesn’t mean that everyone will respond this way! Sometimes, if people are unaware, they simply need a gentle nudge to understand how their behavior affects others to open themselves up to taking accountability and choosing the opportunity for growth that is presented to them. These people are not truly “toxic people” in that they wish to grow.

Second, psychology professor and personality researcher Joshua D Miller, Ph.D. has studied and identified seven traits that are characteristic of difficult people. Please note that we may all exhibit some of these traits at one point or another in our lives but that doesn’t make us bad people. These seven traits are: Callousness, grandiosity, aggressiveness, suspicion, manipulativeness, dominance, and risk-taking. Dr. Miller even created this educational-only quiz to help people understand how difficult they may be, based on findings from his research. You can find that quiz (for fun) here.

Stay Kind

The most important thing to do when dealing with difficult people is to remain kind. Don’t stoop to their level or lose awareness of your emotions. While it can be easy to retaliate and meet their toxic behavior, this never helps the situation. Remember, difficult people are still people and are worthy of kindness, compassion, and empathy. Stay above the situation and take the high road, avoiding actions you might regret. If you need to take a break and walk away, there is nothing wrong with that. Regrouping and centering yourself when dealing with difficult people demonstrates healthy behavior to everyone and influences others to take the high road, too. If you would like to learn more about kindness and composure, read Chapter 1 of Positive Influence: Be the I in Team.

Establish Boundaries

There are some people who may interpret being kind and having compassion and empathy as being weak. However, I believe these are some of the strongest and most meaningful characteristics that you can exhibit in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, there will be times when you will need to stick up for yourself or others and not let bullies run rampant. Establishing boundaries and putting yourself first is of the utmost importance. When you take care of yourself, you can be your best self. When you are your best self, you perform at your best for your position and your team. Dealing with difficult people can be made much easier by establishing boundaries (what you will and will not tolerate).

Don’t Let Them Get You Down

It can be easy to let toxic behavior affect you negatively, especially if you take it personally. Don’t absorb the negativity that others are putting out and be on the lookout for any negative self-talk that can come into play when dealing with difficult people. Remind yourself that other people’s behavior is a reflection of them and not you. You have the right to be happy, and, in doing so, should remember your self-worth.

Bottom Line

Dealing with difficult people is not always easy, but it’s important to remember that they are people too. Some will take accountability for their actions when confronted with it, while others will claim the position of victim. Take the high road and stay true to your positive growth. Stick up for yourself and others, when needed, but do so with mindfulness. Don’t let their negativity follow you around the office or home by not taking what they say or do personally. If all else fails, ask someone you trust to help you come up with a better solution.

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Enhancing Interpersonal Relationships for Toxic Workplace Recovery

May 29, 2025

Hello, team! Mary here, continuing our journey through the I in Team series, where we challenge and empower you to Find , Be , and Build Your Influence. One of the most common things we’re asked to help our clients with is toxic workplace recovery. This directly connects to the culture of the team, and while rebuilding that culture takes time and intention, it is absolutely possible. In fact, with the guidance of our I in Team approach and S.M.A.R.T. Management system, we’ve successfully helped more than 19,000 teams evolve into high-performing, values-based cultures. If you’re ready to take the lead and breathe life back into your team, we’re here and ready to support you. Practice Emotional Intelligence One of the most impactful steps you can take on your toxic workplace recovery journey is to practice emotional intelligence (the ability to recognize, understand, and manage both your own emotions and the emotions of those around you). Toxic environments are often the result of emotional disconnection, poor communication, unnecessary competition, and a culture that avoids constructive feedback. Begin by shifting your perspective: respond with empathy, ask thoughtful questions, and use “I” statements. These habits model two traits, emotional regulation and empathy, that influence how your team interacts and solves problems. Start small. For example, set a personal goal to give one piece of sincere praise or recognition per day. This is a S.M.A.R.T. goal, and it starts to reinforce positive emotional exchanges. Over time, this contributes to a psychologically safe environment where people feel seen and supported. Foster Open Communication Once emotional intelligence begins to take root, toxic workplace recovery is just around the corner. Open communication becomes more natural because when team members are aware of their own and others’ emotions, communication becomes seamless. The number one rule? Listen. Really listen. Without listening, communication is incomplete. Try implementing monthly influence partnerships—team pairings that rotate so members can get to know each other beyond surface-level roles. This creates connection and, when done with consistency (Timely), fosters trust across your team. Another way to build open communication is by creating a structured feedback loop. Clarify how and when feedback should be given—perhaps during weekly one-on-ones or monthly review meetings—and make sure all team members understand the difference between criticism and constructive feedback. S.M.A.R.T. feedback is Specific and Relevant, and when delivered with respect, it encourages team members to grow without fear. Lead by Example As we say throughout the I in Team series, everyone is a leader regardless of title. Whether you’re in the C-suite or just starting your first job, how you show up directly shapes the culture of your team. To begin, set some respectful boundaries rooted in your values. Let others know what you need to succeed and what behaviors support or disrupt your work. When disagreements arise, demonstrate what respectful disagreement looks like—calm, focused on solutions, and free from personal attacks. If your workplace has leaned into competition, shift the focus to collaboration. Collaborate on micro-goals, like shared tasks or cross-functional projects. Make the results Measurable and celebrate wins together (publicly, if possible). Consider S.M.A.R.T.-based team-building events (like problem-solving challenges or goal-setting workshops) to reinforce collaboration in a meaningful way. Final Thoughts Toxic workplace recovery starts with you. Every interaction, every word, every moment of listening is a chance to model what’s possible. Show up the way you want others to show up. If your team is struggling to rebuild or you need expert guidance, reach out . We’re here to help. Let’s keep influencing responsibly and positively together.